Try this for shitty good night.

 This little bit of video is what must go on in my head. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nN-ueenayDk&feature=related

Pearl Jam (eldery woman behind the counter in a small town)

This is my life today.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHCE5sw1mTs

A new Breath

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuq7RYQ8Wa0

Birthday for My Oldest (A NEW ADULT)

   Time seems to rise and stand, flipping sand into your face. A new Adult, a new phase of life for my princess dear. I know that even though she will always be my little girl. That Bravery is needed, the great courage, compassion, and brains. The sadness of the jaded sand of the hourglass, burning into her eyes the brutality of life. The joy is hard won, but is freely given, but sometimes in too small a dose to help in your life. It could be the glue that keeps you going. Or the pain that drives humanity away. But let's rejoice in another beautiful gem coming into her own. Someone to make a difference in the ocean of aged humanity. A fresh voice of reason to make things right. I love you with all my heart, and will stand for you. No matter where, no matter what, I will always be there for you.                    
                                    Love always,
                                                   Dad.   

A Slap in the face, and a punch in the groin. Hurrah it's Mental hash.

   I'm struck by the intensity of this cyclic illnesses proliferation throughout everyday instances. I've been trembling and shaking, as well as had image replay overlay. It sound weird because it is weird with the audio inferences. I try to participate in the every event of the day. Only to have the event of the sometimes the very day before or earlier than that play across the scene scape before me. 

   I've also have the pleasure. Of the ever popular shifting people,places and just supposedly inanimate objects. Believe it or not it comes in stereo, yay. I'm going to see the doc on monday. I am so close to just shooting myself, or really I should say the stress of everyday things like being squashed by a mountain of bills, and everything that I need breaking on me, Mind included. Disability and torment, poverty and woe. The shaking and fried nerves the surgeries, my own and my wifes. My 5 kids with a rainbow of problems and the inability to properly help them. I know these things take time. My youngest boy one of his damn balls hasn't decended yet. If it doesn't by November, surgery on my then 10 month old. Surgery, for my wife, is yet to come about. speech problem coupled with listening difficulty. ADD for another one, and over inflated sense of self, placing themselves in front of others. Along with my little shy violet, who is great, but needs motivation. 

    I've been finding myself faltering, no floundering in the everyday and the entire social spectrum. I can't seem to find that second breath, that added juice to make my space grow into a more pleasant present. If yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a present. Then I want the directions. I want the damn equations, methods and theoritical solutions to travel to stop drowning me, I'm not a smart man, I am what I am, and I am at a loss. I'll be searching the couch cushions for a bus token. If I can, I will, If I try, I might just survive this down-side for a while longer. checking out for now, later.

In short computers, a suprising interest in how to make the wheels go round.

    I recently had surgery on my right elbow. I believe it was a success, I'm having feeling in my fingers again. Don't expect to get better, they said just probably not worse. I am far from not worse, way way better. Now to computers, something I would have never guessed a burgeoning knack for would be inside me. I'm not tech savy, I have sent four emails life. 

    A sad truth, actually I'm still not great at it. But programming, fixing, and resurrecting a few dead computers, has kinda got the juices flowing. I didn't think the knowhow was in me but it is, somehow. I have been meeting all these people, and learning so much from them. In Linux and windows it's a real treat, to learn all this stuff and so quickly. It's great and fun. Maybe a stepping stone back to my art and a new era. checking out for now.

Hacked and recovering

    I'm recovering well, and very quickly in every matter. I'm both physically and mentally hurting. I don't know the way out, and I don't like the answers, I have been given. Other than that smallish rant things seem to be working out. checking out for now.