"Philosophizing is simply one way of being afraid,
a cowardly pretense that doesn't get you anywhere."
Celine
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Blinking And Poverty
Blink once and all sudden, wham, you're broke and begging. That's what happens in this vicious cycle of pain is the inherit poverty that comes with it. I have too ask, beg for stuff for my family. In the terms and requirements of keeping a poor man down. It happens very easily, and almost impossible to not make things worse. When you have nothing it gives you the impression, that you're nothing, further adding to the depression, and stress. In the understanding that you are not in control of anything. It makes me sick to my stomach that I have to allow others to make the bed, that I lie on. The food I eat, the roof over my head.(for the most part) The place in which my children eat. The place to live, sleep, and smile. The health care that is ooohhh so necessary in our case. A horrible deepening general sickness that has overtaken my family. Maybe our home is slowly poisoning us. It could be, it seems illness is rampant in our family. I know things could be much worse, and in a blink of an eye, everything could crumble.
The dignity I've had to swallow for family's sake as well as my own own is immense. It's great to have help, but I feel sometimes like I've dug my own grave, and there's nothing I can do to crawl out. My family needs and deserves so much more. So with one hand on the scale, poverty has saved my family and myself. The other hand on the opposite side of the scale recognizes that it has to remain light in it's weight to continue surviving. I guess in a blink I could be completely destitute. Without any recourse, but to turn to a life of crime. To save my family, I will do what is needed. I'm almost completely without shame now. I've become feral in this void. It's not necessary right now, thankfully, but the option is still open if things go south. Any creature must adapt somehow.
Mahalo.
The dignity I've had to swallow for family's sake as well as my own own is immense. It's great to have help, but I feel sometimes like I've dug my own grave, and there's nothing I can do to crawl out. My family needs and deserves so much more. So with one hand on the scale, poverty has saved my family and myself. The other hand on the opposite side of the scale recognizes that it has to remain light in it's weight to continue surviving. I guess in a blink I could be completely destitute. Without any recourse, but to turn to a life of crime. To save my family, I will do what is needed. I'm almost completely without shame now. I've become feral in this void. It's not necessary right now, thankfully, but the option is still open if things go south. Any creature must adapt somehow.
Mahalo.
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