I'm struck by the intensity of this cyclic illnesses proliferation throughout everyday instances. I've been trembling and shaking, as well as had image replay overlay. It sound weird because it is weird with the audio inferences. I try to participate in the every event of the day. Only to have the event of the sometimes the very day before or earlier than that play across the scene scape before me.
I've also have the pleasure. Of the ever popular shifting people,places and just supposedly inanimate objects. Believe it or not it comes in stereo, yay. I'm going to see the doc on monday. I am so close to just shooting myself, or really I should say the stress of everyday things like being squashed by a mountain of bills, and everything that I need breaking on me, Mind included. Disability and torment, poverty and woe. The shaking and fried nerves the surgeries, my own and my wifes. My 5 kids with a rainbow of problems and the inability to properly help them. I know these things take time. My youngest boy one of his damn balls hasn't decended yet. If it doesn't by November, surgery on my then 10 month old. Surgery, for my wife, is yet to come about. speech problem coupled with listening difficulty. ADD for another one, and over inflated sense of self, placing themselves in front of others. Along with my little shy violet, who is great, but needs motivation.
I've been finding myself faltering, no floundering in the everyday and the entire social spectrum. I can't seem to find that second breath, that added juice to make my space grow into a more pleasant present. If yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a present. Then I want the directions. I want the damn equations, methods and theoritical solutions to travel to stop drowning me, I'm not a smart man, I am what I am, and I am at a loss. I'll be searching the couch cushions for a bus token. If I can, I will, If I try, I might just survive this down-side for a while longer. checking out for now, later.
