Grandfathers Time Is Light

   Firelight to walk by,
moonlight to be shy by.
Burn, burn in the daylight.
Wind at twilight,
is barbed, and biting.
    Skin is cracking,
at grandfather's clocks ticking.
Creeping shadows are bending,
with aged back.
    Stiff cane are sturdy like
the mountain trees, they come from.
    Starling eyes gaze into
the grandfather's bronze arms.
Into the twelve held close.
The grandfathers time is light.                                 (10-10-09)

Real

   Blow away, blow away.
Birds that bother me.
Finding a new face.
In my mirror, very strange,
very much, the stranger.
I see what is, and
in the reflection's eyes.
A backwards, what could be.
Breath deep,
in the what coulds.
Brisk in talk, and
in stuttering walk.
Find me, find me.
    I have yet to see,
the real me,
reflected
back at me.

A Love Poem For All You Having A Crappy Day "In Love True Touches"

   True in life and love.
Between the stars, lights fare.
Ever be in love with me,
will see.
What truth will be,
to me.
In hearts truth belove.
Belongs only, to you and me.
So long as love,
will be.
True to you and me.                                            (6-28-10)

Mice Are Killing Me And My Pex "CAT AHOY!!"

    Today, I found out most of my brand new plumbing of 8 years. It has been eaten through by mice. I'm thrilled to say that by poisoning them they have chosen to chew through my pex water-lines to get to the water. I probably brought this unto myself with the poison. I'm now going to go to more traditional way, "le kitty" I hope it to purr for the kids and play with them and my dogs. "please cat, kill, kill like the wind" say's I, disgruntled Pex pipe owner, and now cat owner as well. To all you Pex owners DO NOT POISON THE RODENTS!! It will cost you in the end.

P.s. I hate mice, and pex, the cheapest shit you can buy. Hurrah!

The Problems With Preaching: I Sometimes Do And I'm Sorry, But

    I have tried almost everything in the last dozen years. This is a hard illness to pin down. It's not possible without help to make it even tolerable, believe me I know. I go through the mental gymnastics required on a daily basis. I have to work hard to root out the sneaky ideas and harebrained beliefs. It's a mental war and I've fought this disorganized thought process with a surprisingly effective upbringing. A split between stubbornly organized as well as acceptive disorganization. It's weird, but it works for me.
    I can't stress enough about finding a solid grounding person or person. It has to be someone you see regularly, and trust implicitly. I know I'm preaching to the choir, but this has helped for myself. It may work for you, or maybe you already have a system that works. Go with it. If it works in our differently thinking minds positively, go with it. My wife is a good indicator. She can pretty much tell the bad days from good. It helps a lot. Done preaching, sorry about that.

Mahalo.

Seroquel & Loxapine: A Good Combination

   An awesome combination that works for myself, a medicine sensitive person. I have almost the worst luck with side effects. The Loxapine gives me all the benefits of heavier medicine, without much of any issue. It doesn't make me sleepy or add to the cottony feeling that is already present. The Seroquel is a great boon to my medicinal regiment. It is most certainly sedating, and has it's drawbacks. It has been good at reducing audible and visual problems. In combination with Loxapine.
   I have seen terrific improvement in the "positive", and also the Loxapine has given plus performance in negative symptoms. The cognitive is also benefited with the addition of Loxapine to my main medicine Seroquel. Seroquel is like a rhinoceros tranquilizer at night for myself. It knocks my ass out. Dry mouth is common and I have that along with a couple others, really not so bad considering the alternative.
    Please do your home work before starting these. I know it's really hard to maintain a positive outlook when starting a new medicinal regiment. It has worked for myself with enough coverage to be able to sort through the nonsense without as much trouble. You could try this, it may help. 400-750mg Seroquel, and with Loxapine 30-70mg seems to work pretty good. It all depends where you are in your cycle. Worse more, Less, well less. It does for me anyway. at least you can tell the mental stuff apart. You will have to adjust accordingly. Also a mood stabilizer like Lamictal thrown in helps myself a lot too.
    If you have a pill pushing doctor, or the I "give a crap" doctor. Talk to them. If they don't listen get a second opinion. You are the most important person in helping yourself to getting better. but you need a doctor to help. PLEASE, take your medicine, If you need help, there are programs. They maybe hard to find, but they are there, somewhere. Take it from myself, I've had problems before.

Mahalo.      

Spirits

   In squalor pitched
straight in the pit
of nights spiting fire.

   In view to all the blind 

the warmth may bring.

A fiery bursting, spinning, 

swirling in blackness fury.

    It burns with an unholy beast

 to frequent the fragile spirits 

 in their glass houses.

     I drink to blind the visions 

of bruised and battered day's. 

That tend to visit my shortened spirit.

I tip the shot glass over.

My day is done.                                                                 (6-28-10)